The Sun is Up, The Sky is Blue

If it's true what they say about life - how it's a journey, a path, a road - I'm sort of lost.
I'm somewhere in the by-lanes of a town far away from anywhere I've ever been and I have a road map and I know where I am, but I'm still sort of lost.

I have my green lighter and 24 rupee pack of my favourite cheap smokes. I'm not even alone; I have a lot of new, exciting people surrounding me, and some from my old path.

The Boyfriend isn't here. Well, he isn't The Boyfriend any more. One could say that might be why I'm in this new town, but the truth is, this town is just too far from the town he's now in.

Edge is here. He's right here with me, in the passenger seat of the strange chariot that I use to traverse these streets, helping me navigate, sometimes even taking the wheel. I ride in his chariot sometimes, because though our paths aren't the same, they often cross.

There's quite a few new people, though. Prudence's throaty, jazz-y voice is a mirror for her low, relaxed demeanor. She has a few shrill tones too, as we all do. I've known her for a little over two months, but every day, I find something interesting about her, something congruent with my own thoughts and opinions or just something new and fascinating.

Then, there's Red. He's new too. I think this several times a day, and I feel silly each time, but he's like The Boyfriend except better in every way. He's a fantastic writer. He's very well-read. He's constantly witty, and even when he's playfully ribbing me, it doesn't feel cold and petty like it does with The Boyfriend. And he has none of TB's bad qualities. In fact, he's the exact opposite in so many ways. He drives his chariot right next to mine, because our paths are almost parallel. He knows how to ever so subtly guide me, though, and support me when I skid. He knows just the right things to say. He's in love though, so that angle doesn't really enter into it. A lovely girl, she is too, and she makes him so very happy.

Then, there's Violet. I see myself in Violet in so many ways, and in so many others, I wish I was more like her. She and I have found each other so weirdly, so suddenly, but so very rightly. I guess she's filling a void in me that was previously occupied in parts by The Boyfriend (I should start called him The Ex now, I suppose), by Esh Dec In, and a little by A. Violet's the first person I've opened up to in a long time. We talk about feelings. I haven't talked about feelings in so long. She's the first person in a long time that I've felt comfortable sharing the bipolar and my episodes and fears and all with. It's almost as if she's riding in the back seat of my chariot. Sometimes, I guide her along. Sometimes, she supports me.

I cried in front of Violet. More than once, about more than one issue. I haven't cried in front of anyone but The Ex (X?) for almost three years. It's strange, but not unbearably so.

Esh Dec says she looks up to me. I hardly think so. She's such a free spirit, but like me, she's a little lost as well. She's an adventurer, though, so she'd find her way without me too.

Truth be told, it's quite comfortable, this town. It's new, but it's exciting. It has a transcendent quality to it, like it's just passing by (or rather, that I'm just passing by it), but I have a feeling it leads to something amazing. I quite like it here, but simultaneously, I can't wait to see what comes next. There's a lot I miss about the old path, but there's still a lot I can't wait to leave behind.

Here's hoping.