Better Off On My Own

I have wasted a large majority of my life simply taking the shit people throw at me.
I'm weak that way, and I recognize it. I crave approval. I will go out of my way to do nice things for these people, for their acceptance. But not just for their acceptance alone. I do it because I genuinely care for them. I enjoy doing nice things for them. I enjoy making them happy.

I realize now, though, that I can't keep living my life like this. There's no point trying to keep a flame alive if it's dead. I don't need to take the constant shit, and the pain and humiliation. I'm fairly certain I'd do fine without them.

So I'm through. I'm through running after them, trying to please them, trying to make them happy. It's not my job to guarantee their happiness when they can't even deign to be nice to me.

This is my 'FUCK YOU'.
If you don't want me, I don't have to give myself to you.


I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy, but no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.


If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,


That I’m better off on my own.

A Throbbing Toothache Of The Mind

I've been listening to St. Jimmy by Green Day. I don't care what people think about Green Day and people who listen to Green Day and skinny chicks with dark make up and All Stars.

Green Day is good and it's good cuz it doesn't give much of a fuck and just makes their fucking music. And god damn it do they make music. There's a difference between singing songs and really putting your fucking soul into the music.

American Idiot, despite the fame is bought Green Day and how far it was from Nimrod and Dookie, was still a great fucking album. Jesus of Suburbia was my anthem for years. Are We The Waiting was so real. Give Me Novacaine was pure fucking soul.

The story was so good.

I like Green Day. I like having my own fucking opinion and not getting influenced by other people too.

I like Green Day.
I think whether I do drugs(I use the term loosely, to include anything I might want to do) or not is my fucking decision.
I like giving a shit. I don't like being indifferent. I like caring about the environment, and I like knowing what's happening in Sudan and I think the UN really is making an effort.
I don't like to 'party' and I don't have to. I like spending time with myself and that's okay.
Only when you discover yourself can you discover others.
I fucking hate fashion.
I'm sick of wearing heels.
I like art, but I don't give a shit about the Mona Lisa.
I'd rather walk down Hauz Khas Village than the Louvre.
I'd like to give myself a chance, not you.
Not any of you.