Self-Hate At Six In The Morning

You're always told "If at first, you don't succeed, try and try again." Winston Churchill wanted us to learn from our mistakes. Oscar Wilde believed that mistakes were merely experiences.

I call bullshit.

I made a mistake, last year. I don't want to go into it, but I did a terrible, terrible thing and ruined things with my boyfriend.

A mistake is not an experience. A mistake is a failure.

That one mistake I made, without thinking, without contemplating upon the consequences, or whether it was wrong at all, still haunts me, more than a year later.
That one mistake fucks with my mind more than anything else. I'll be happy and beginning to like the way life is turning out, when it'll just come and smack me across the face, knocking me down.
That one mistake causes me more pain, more guilt, more sadness and more fear than all the other things in my life, put together.

I had hope, of course, that the pain would fade out.

'Time heals all wounds' is another piece of bullshit you shouldn't believe.

Time doesn't heal all wounds. You can try and try to fix your mistake, hope it'll gently get better and do everything in your power to just make it go away, but it won't.

That one mistake will stay with you, leech out all your happiness and turn you into a suicidal mess.


Confucius doesn't want you to be ashamed of your mistakes, thus making them crimes.
Too late. They already are.