I have a long and varied history of drug use. I started using marijuana when I was thirteen, graduating to regular use before my fourteenth birthday. Smoking up was my form of stress release. My parents came home from work everyday and had a drink. Me smoking pot was just a variation on the same theme.
Soon, my older friends introduced me to LSD. Now, LSD isn't exactly a teenage drug, nor is it a party drug. It's almost past it's time. It's not the sixties. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.
Nevertheless, my friends had a steady supply, and we'd drop acid every once in a while, to 'open our minds'. We were all extremely volatile people in our creative phases round that time. Tripping, though I tried it only round three or four times, was one of the best and worst experiences of my life. I haven't thought about this for a long, long time, but now that I do, I realize I don't regret doing it one bit. I wish I would have waited a couple of years, so my mind was better equipped to handle it, of course, but I don't really regret it.
I tried cocaine once, at a party. I mustn't have done it right, because it didn't really feel like anything.
Apart from the occasional stint or two, though, I've been mostly drug free for the past two years or so. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I made up my mind not to alter my state of consciousness any longer. He's very sure of his stand on drugs and, well, it's not a very tolerant one. Of course, I still smoked the occasional joint when in social settings, and once, when things got very unbearable for me, depression-wise, I spent about three weeks straight, high.
For the last year or so, though, I haven't even thought about smoking up. I've left most of my 'unhealthy practices' (thrapistspeak) behind, actually. No more cutting, not more getting high, no more drinking every day. It also as something or the other to do with my boyfriend, of course.
I do, however, want to get high one of these days, for just one last time. I have one last nugget of wild to get out of my system before settling into a 'healthy lifestyle'. I want to just let myself be calm and carefree for a day.
Just one last dance with Mary Jane. One more time to kill the pain.
"Our Generation has had no Great war, no Great Depression. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives."
6 sympathized:
Who am I preach not being God's good boy ever? And I know for a fact people like you and me detest with all their might if someone decides to colour our world in their shades.
Just a free piece of advice... you know the last dance? avoid it till you can... all it takes is one wrong step to get back into the rhythm... and your bf wouldn't like that would he? think bout it.
n m sure his ways of killing the pain would be way much better.
PEACE
You know you should watch '27 days', the movie. It has Sandra bullock. In that, this one guy says that a lot of people who want to get sober always long for a last time. Every one of them. Just one last time.
Your post reminded me of that scene.
Oh wells...Mary Jane is my lover, and I don't think we'll be parting ways anytime soon.
Eighty out of a hundred people don't get high the first time they try cocaine.
ooooh...interesting. Like the title.
Your blogpost took me back 45 years...
:)
Post a Comment